Jacuzzi and a pool boy please

I'm trying to book our accomodation for our christmas holiday. Booking 10 nights away seemed exciting and liberating and all that. However now I am faced with the challenge of booking a sketchy trip which looks a little like:

24th - catch the ferry. Drive as far as we can before the kids drive us insane and we give up for the night (probably about Blenheim). Maybe drug them and get the whole way to Christchurch, otherwise Christmas may be shared with the whales.

25/26/27 ? - Christchurch? Somewhere sunny and more or less free?

26/27? - Greymouth. We're visiting relatives there. How come motels cost $130 in GREYMOUTH.

Hmmm 28ish til 3rd - Vaguely meeting friends and family in the Catlins... Have to drive with kids... May need to stop at Moeraki, Oamaru and Dunedin on the way to cope (like our campervan trip). Leaves half a day to say hello to the Catlins before starting the trip home.

Clear as mud eh?

And I like a housesitter too. So if you're nice and not into the upside down b, how about a house swap?