Quiet

I'm a bit unnerved. Malo is asleep and Finn is out and I've got all this peace.

Merde

I tried being consumerably restrained for a couple of days, and really, it just didn't suit my nature. Plus, if we don't spend 120% of our income and increase our mortgage every year (ours went up 50k last year, now beat that), what will Bollard have to whinge about?

So I've sent an order off to American Apparel. Shopping over the internet is good on so many levels.

1. You don't have to move!
2. Parcels! Similar to presents, but definitely what you want!
3. Credit cards! You need never really acknowledge that you're spending money
4. Bargains! You know it is going to be cheaper than buying it here. Bless the high NZ$.
5. Credit card points thingies! Money for nothing (you do need to lie to yourself a little).
6. And in the case of American Apparel, the money may be hitting the states, but they're not using sweat shops, and the same guarantee can't be made for most of the stuff you buy around here.

Whew. It is good to justify total outlandish extravagances. I should have been a catholic, confession suits me.

And more beige shorts

My beige shorts found their niche last night. The Kirks sale! They found lots of other beige friends there, and made their owner look like she may have belonged.

The sale was good, but I managed to get away without buying much at all. This is good. 2006 is going to be the year of living in a zen-like state of simplification and austerity.

That is, until I see something really nice.

Bloody hot

Bloody hell it is hot isn't it? Which is great, being the idea behind summer and all.

I'm going for a walk shortly to pick up the car from its WOF check, and I'm just a bit worried I might melt.

If you don't hear from me by, say, Friday, send out the authorities. Any stalker worth their salt will know where to find me.

Today

In response to Alan's question about the weather outside today

Yummy yummy

Title of post means nothing.

I'm writing this so you have something to read first thing in your offices, not because I have anything interesting to say. And because Glen has nipped into work, which means I won't be able to go to sleep til he gets home anyway.

Cripes. Are you bored yet?

So, le weekend. Saturday was very very goodlooking and spectacular, so I joyfully headed for the Dell for the mother of all Fairy Balls. It wasn't really, but doesn't "The Mother of All Fairy Balls" have a nice ring to it? It was very nice to stalk Alan and his family for another day. I also started stalking a new family, Susan and co.

Finn and I went into town. He wanted a milkshake, which is fair enough as it was bloody roasting. I went somewhere evil to buy it, as there weren't many places open. I felt worse than if I went somewhere even more evil. I was quietly scathing of the girl behind me who ordered a Gingerbread Latte with extra whipped cream, so if the coffee gods are watching they'll know I haven't sold my soul totally. I'm not going to write where it was, but you should be able to guess from the evil Gingerbread latte.

Finn and I caught the bus home. It was his first trip on a bus - poor sheltered wee fella. It was pretty hilarious, as the bus driver forgot to go to the station, and whipped straight onto the motorway. He very anxiously yelled out "none of you fellas wanted to get off at the station did you?" - which no-one did, but what would he have done? I feel a tiny bit sorry for all the people who probably waited for an hour, but mainly I was in hysterics.

And hurray, Fiesta time! Carriiiiiiba! (the exclamation marks are back).

Goddamn it was crowded. Too crowded really for a shorty like me. I couldn't see anything of Fat Freddy's. It was good though. There were lots of young folks, and lots of herbal odours wafting past, which was very atmospheric. We had some sneaky beers secreted in our backpack. I don't think the police were really that concerned about us with our illicit beers though. Stephen was stalking me, so I didn't get to see him. Darn he is elusive.

And today, very nice thanks. Trip to Te Papa, again avec la famille. And tonight three episodes of Buffy. Yipppeee. Glen's brother even watched and enjoyed. That is season 4 over, and boy it was good. When Riley and Angel were face to face, well, I was torn.

So there you have it. How were your weekends?

TGIF

Inspired by Hers, here is Friday night at our place.

I have finally got a pile of really lovely clothing that I have owned for a ridiculously long time, and has always been ugly anyway, together to take to the Child Cancer bin.

I'm not sure who wants really heinous tie-dyed clothes from India, or a very high waisted pair of jeans, or ugly duvet covers. I finally realise that I don't.

How liberating.

Nipples!

Hey Llew, what gives? This search landed at my site from Belgium.

Le (la) weekend

I love how other cultures try and snaffle our best words, like those cheeky frenchies with their "le (la) weekends" and " la (le) automobile".

Anyhoo, what is House of Harland up to this weekend?

Well, of course it is the Fairy Ball tomorrow in the Dell with the lovely Fairy Trina. I love her, but I am a little disappointed that each time I've been they have repeated stories. Quel horreur! Or quelle horreur! (I got a B1 in School C French. Thank god they got rid of School C so nobody will remember...) All the same, I'm looking forward to the Fairy Ball.

Then of course there is the Petone Fiesta! (Da da da da da da da da, da da da da da da, da da da da da da da, da da da da da da TEQUILA!)

I'm using exclamation marks today! Have you noticed? Isn't it annoying!

And Fat Freddy's Drop will GO OFF (or whatever youf say - perhaps they'll be BAD or AIE or since we're in the Hutt - AWESOME).

After all that rockin good time, Sunday we'll be ready for the pre-schoolers highlight of the year. The Teddy Bear's Picnic (apostrophe? I'm braindead, so rather than working out grammar for myself, I'm pointing it out so you know that possibly I realised).

Odessa is playing at the same time as the Teddys. Which I think is rather nice.

Hey, incidentally. My son, in addition to diarrhoea, has SHINGLES. Poor wee bugger.

A running problem

Half the joy of this running gig is imagining the victory photo of me crossing the line, never having to run again, at the end of the duathlon.

What I hadn't anticipated when undertaking this mission is the extreme purple face. I don't want a picture of the extreme purple face. Darn.

Ha!

I wasn't going to bother putting up the result of this, but when I got it I laughed out loud. I think it is fair to say that this quiz doesn't count on pretty much general disinterest in almost everything. Nor on a blogger who essentially hates writing, isn't interested in the human condition, nor horrors - in the molecular condition.

You should be a Dance major! Like a lithe ballerina, you dance because you believe there is beauty in expressing the physical form.

Dance 92%

Mathematics 75%

Art 67%

Journalism 67%

Theater 58%

Philosophy 50%

Engineering 50%

Sociology 50%

Psychology 33%

English 33%

I won't bother linking because it pulls up mean pop-ups. If you're dying of curiosity check out the link on David F and Hers for the link


It screws up your appearance in Explorer too, so I had to muck around with it. How I suffer for my art.

But hell, I'm gonna go for it. Flag my Communications paper and enrol at Toi Whakaari

Quality vs quantity (choke)

I was checking out my archives to see what the anniversary of the blog is (18th March if you should wish to send the blog a present). It seems when I started on the blogging path I was young and earnest, and wrote more than 30 words at a time. Sometimes I even tried to be TOPICAL.

Thank god I'm over that immature phase.

The Odd Project

My mother asked if I could make a cake for her. I happily agreed. I like baking. When I found out what I was making, I was perhaps slightly less enthusiastic about the crazy project.

My mother's colleague's father had carved a little something that looked to my mother and her colleagues like a cake.

Here is the original and my interpretation:



Big ups to Sarah for the backpack. Very nifty.

And big ups to Finn for the loan of the toys, which he did while asleep, and missed immediately upon waking.

What to do?

I was reading Dooce, and she is all damned excited about something. It made me realise I haven't planned anything this year to get all excited about myself.

My year thus far looks thus (doesn't the use of "thus" make by writing seem so much more sophisticated?):

January 28th: Fat Freddy's Drop in Petone

April 16th: Duathlon

December 16th: My birthday

WHAT! Nothing else?

Time for some scheming.

Aww crap (for real)

I was going to write an Ode to Diarrhoea, mainly because I know how to spell diarrhoea, and also because I'm experiencing it regularly. Ugh! Not ME. Malo is crook.

Kind of limits my outlook of the world. Hah, I'm such a liar, I wouldn't actually be at Sundance or doing something outrageous anyway.

By the way, for those who are counting, I ran all the way along the Esplanade and back this morning. My knees didn't like it (probably because the beach is sloped, and my legs aren't).

Note: Spelling corrected, thanks Editter. Suddenly I can't right anyfing, I'm paranoid about misstakes. Shit.

Ooga chaka Caroline!

Trivial Pursuit is up for a Bloggie!

Please vote here.

She deserves to win BIG TIME. Not just because I haven't heard of any of the others either. But because SHE ROCKS.

And she called me a rock and roll mummy, which is my total raison d'etre.

Uga chaka

Have you seen the Hoff at his best yet? This is well worth a nose.

He is so HOT. Actually, I was being sarcastic, but to be completely honest, he isn't completely not hot.

Thanks Distressed Jeans and Duff for the linkage.

Advice for wannabe celebrities

Some time ago I linked to this great item about being an Evil Overlord.

I think someone needs to write a few guidelines for celebrities, which perhaps I will do one of these days.

I did think of one basic rule, which I believe could make many celebrities lives much easier.

DON'T VIDEO YOURSELF HAVING SEX. Ever. For gods sake, what are you thinking?

Unless you want to be a porn star.

Colin Farrell, Rob Lowe, Pamela Anderson, Tommy Lee, Paris Hilton - you're idiots.

On a happier note

The Pimm's was very nice thankyou.

UGH GROSS

Go away pervert.

Yuck, I feel ick.

Statcounter is always interesting for a bit of a laff, usually people find me by looking for the Wiggles, or mosaic tiling (don't ask).

Ugh, today someone found me with a search on "links p**n children" ( I don't want any more searches finding me by plugging in those words, but use your imagination to work out that the "P" word wasn't pure). And they stayed for a while and read some posts. UGH. I feel like I've contributed to some pervert's day. BASTARD GO AWAY.

Sometimes in my happy wee blogging world I forget that lots of people use the internet to be yucky, gross pervs.

Yuck.

Summer is here

Pimm's! Yippee. My brother-in-law has brought us a bottle of Pimm's duty free. Nothing better, we'll be sitting out there this evening getting slowly pissed on the delectable sweet fizz that is Pimm's. What is that flavour anyway?

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Petone Fiesta

For the last few years Petone has had a great fiesta in the evening. I missed the last, but the one prior we saw and Rhombus played. It was ace of base. In fact it was Ace of Base too, as they had some dancers (obviously from further up THE VALLEY) who boogied to such choice artists.

This year Fat Freddy's Drop are playing. Wa hooooo! Chow, Fat Freddy's Drop, sounds like a date to me. Be there on the 28th January, or be SQUARE.

School reunion

My school is having a reunion this Labour Weekend. I'm quite keen to go, but by and large everyone I have spoken to looks a bit nauseous at the prospect. I'm absolutely not going if the only people there are dickheads (high school vernacular kicks in). I'm well aware that the very cool won't be there, but if it is only morons it will be very bad.

Has anyone had any experience of a school reunion? This is for my secondary school. I went to a primary school one a few years ago, and it bloody rocked. Not least because Salmonella Dub played.

Nothing going on but the rent

It is a total crapper of a day here in sunny Petone. Gale force winds, rain, flying pustules.

Consequently I am CREATIVELY STUNTED. So I'll provide some links for you to enjoy from my Stumble Upon explorations.

This is some very funny and mean software you can install on someones computer to freak them.

This is a list of films ordered by the use of the word "fuck".

Oh, on the good new front, Bones starts tonight. It has Angel in it, so he must have un-vampired himself somehow, otherwise he'd turn to ashes, right?

Jay you beautiful thing

Project Runway has just finished the first series. Jay won! I love him! He is like a big gorgeous gay talking lovely jubbly clever clogs.

Did anyone else think his collection had quite a New Zealand feel to it? All that knitting and layering. I hope he copes with his "prize" of a job at Banana Republic.

Beige shorts drama cont...

I've realised that not only do my beige shorts make me look middle aged, but they also make my lower half invisible while standing next to the exterior of our newly painted house.

Keeping up with the Joneses

Crikey. Our house is undergoing a transformation. Strictly speaking the bulk of the transformation has occured over the last 2 1/2 years, but this is big. I've finally painted the kitchen window frame! It has been primed and sanded awaiting paint for at least 18 months.

Glen's brother lives in Germany, and he is coming for a visit this week. He hasn't been here for a while - hasn't met either of the children, and hasn't seen our pad. Consequently, we have been on a frenzy of painting for the last couple of weeks. The exterior of the house has a new coat of paint, the french doors have finally been painted, and the exterior windows have been half stripped (to indicate that we didn't think that lime green, beige and dark green were a winning combination).

In the back of my mind always is the possibility of selling and moving to the big smoke, so I have an ulterior motive in getting the place finished.

I have even fertilised the lawn.

Buffy update

For all those punters just GAGGING to know where I'm at with Buffy, we're halfway through season 4. We watched Hush a couple of nights ago (with the Gentlemen), and I think it was a favourite. Not least because the Buffster got some action with Riley.

We've started watching Angel too, but YAWN. Tell me it gets better soon, because at the moment it seems like a big sacrifice to forego a Buffy episode. I'm sure it gets better or people wouldn't persist with it.

And as promised, a quick overview of my very compelling poll I ran at the beginning of December. Not surprisingly Buffy came in tops with a HUGE 10 votes. Surprising (I thought) Cordelia came second equal with Angel. I realise Cordelia is a hottie, but such a Barbie doll.

I'll have to do another poll soon. Perhaps it will be a fairytale character poll, or a hot fellas poll. Perhaps I should poll to see what I should poll for.

God, shoot me.

Family Guy

I dont' know if I've mentioned it before, but Family Guy ROCKS.

Dammit, but Llew was right

A while ago Llew wrote about Fairy Trina, and mentioned what a hottie she is. I just thought "oh, yeah, I'm sure she is fairylicious", but he was spot on! The fairy is a babe. And she is on everyday at the Dell entertaining the kids at 11am and 1pm - every show different.

We've been 3 times so far, and it rocked. In fact she has had me in hysterics on a number of occasions, usually when she makes a dad do something funny - today a Flashdance inspired gymnastics exercise (complete with music), and the other day a rap off, and a joust.

Overheard at Te Papa today

Standing by John Drawbridge piece:

She: I could paint that

He: I don't understand why everyone who says that doesn't do it and make hundreds of thousands of dollars

She: I wouldn't think it was good enough.

Two or more of these people may be directly related to me. Neither of them is me.

Chow me hearties

Chow opens in Petone today at 5pm. Due to family commitments (ie having to cook dinner for the family), I won't be there. I will however check it out very soon and report on how fabulous it is.

Sk8ter grrl

So I got these beige skater girl shorts in my shopping triumph rampage, and for some reason I don't look like a hip youf, but like a middle aged woman in beige shorts.

I've even got a goddamn hoodie on, and I still look like a middle aged woman in beige shorts. I look somewhat like I should be driving a 4 wheel drive and picking the kids up from tennis.

Yay Angelina - you go girl

Angelina has scored! Brad Pitt's baby. If you happen to click the link, there are some rude pics of Colin Farrell on the website too.

Course I won't touch him now, and if he keeps calling I'll tell him to rack off.

Thunderbird is not go

I decided to give Thunderbird a run, and I like the look of it, but I've hit a fairly big hurdle that I can't seem to knock off.

The first time I tried to check my mail, it prompted me for my password. Since I use the same one for everything, I merrily plugged it in, and accepted my computers kind prompt to remember it for me. However, it seems I punched in the wrong password, and now Paradise declines Thunderbirds permission for access.

I have tried re-installing Thunderbird. I can't change my password with Paradise to the one I put in, as the one I put in wasn't alphanumeric. I can't seem to access password manager. I've been thwarted. No doubt all youse clever peeps will know a way out.

Gin and tonic for whoever solves it.

martha.run

I went for my second run today. It is almost a week since my first, but a certain degree of post-wedding hangoverness didn't seem to abate until today.

I was a bit frightened, because my first effort was so damn hard. I don't know why, or how it works, but today was SO MUCH BETTER. I'd decided to try and run a quarter further, but actually ran twice as far as last time, and I felt great. Not much burning chest, not too much flaming throat. My walk home wasn't filled with nausea. All up I think I may be able to do it.

Book review - Tim Winton

Just so it doesn't seem like I'm turning into a total link loser, and to prove that I occasionally read more than mental websites, I thought I'd do a VERY brief book review.

I read The Turning by Tim Winton over christmas. I loved Cloudstreet by Tim Winton, in fact it may be my favourite book. I really didn't dig Dirt Music though for some reason, seemed a bit boys own in the end. I also read the Riders ages ago and wasn't bowled over by it. The Turning was fantastic, so I'm much relieved.

It was made up of a whole series of short stories, that weren't really. They all had some connection, and were pretty much all set in the same place, or with characters that came from the same place. It was hard to tell who the main character was, but towards the end it all came together well. It had a lovely Australian quality about it, which I think is very recognisable to folks here in Aotearoa. It was a bleak, but not too depressingly so.

I really don't like writing reviews actually. I don't know what people want to know.

I do recommend the book highly, and while you're at it read Cloudstreet too eh?

Saddam damn man

More linkage. This is funny.

Linkage

Probably until I overcome my Stumble addiction, I may not be able to see far beyond linking the funny things I find.

So here is how to be an evil overlord, and here is some frightful art. This was my favourite picture.

Sorry. I hate articles full of links, life is too short, but unfortunately I'm addicted.

Evil addiction

I'm completely addicted to stumbleupon.

Russell Brown has written about it in the Listener, and I have been on it for most of the day. I can't see it ever ending. I have found so many great sites.

Oh god.

It is so good.

Pressies

Mike has asked what I got for christmas (well, it was a general question, but I'll answer personally).

Glen and I don't really do presents at xmas. We both have birthdays close, and can't be arsed to be honest.

From my parents I got this



Which I love a lot.

My sister gave me these



which I also love a lot.

I also got lots of other nice things I can't think of. I got some great plates, some teatowels and yummy things, a comic book, an art work, some CDs.

And for ourselves we got the iriver and coffee grinder.

A very good christmas indeed.

FYI

Woosh is shit.

Our Telstra cable is one million squillion times quicker. So if you're thinking broadband, don't think woosh. Although it was good for taking to Christchurch, but that is all (credit where credit is due).

Apart from that, Woosh is shit.

Amen

The Wedding

Saturday was the day of my friends Alex and Megan's wedding. It was a big day for me as I introduced them, so essentially I'm responsible for the child they have and any subsequent children they may be having.

It was a beautiful day. The groom was as nervous as I've ever seen anyone in my life. I took him out for a pre-ceremony g&t, but it didn't seem to help matters at all. I had some nerves too about my speech, but really nobody gave a rats arse about how I felt (which I agree is fair enough).

The wedding ceremony was a delight. I bloody wept, and I'm not that much of a soppy person. They married on Lyall Bay beach.

Then we went up to the Maranui Surf Club for the reception. It rocked. And my speech went down well (even though it had the word phallus in it).

There was drinking and dancing and lots of ranting.

Lovely jubbly.

Gone

Where have you gone Aboutown?

Nerves

Tomorrow is my big day. Strictly speaking I suppose it is Megan and Alex's big day, but neither of them have to be best man like I do.

I've solved the shoe and jewellery issue. Gorgeous stilletto type things with gems on them and some choice bling (I love all these blingy costume jewellery stores that have sprung up everywhere).

But the SPEECH. I want it to be funny and brief and poignant, but I'm so struck with nerves at the prospect of writing it, that all I can do is procrastinate.

Perhaps I'll just copy something off the net. Or find an Auden poem that seems appropriate. That should get 'em weeping. Or weeing. Either way, attention will be removed from moi.

Fun with new toys from Japan

Wow lady, nice hooters


Take that back, you bug-eyed ass wipe


Now lick my boots

10 Bullet Points

As suggested by David Slack, here are my 10 bullet points for 2005.

1. Blogger! I join the elite blogger classes (ahem)
2. Holidays. First in the campervan, then our recent sojourn.
3. Grass. Well, lawn actually.
4. Coffee. We bought a cart, and sold it, but have been left with a ridiculous addiction - not to mention a lovely new grinder - which leads me to
5. Lots of nice new stuff. Yippee for shopping. Should I list? Here are a few: Corbusier lounger, car, art, gas fire...
6. Further to the lawn - the deck. Hallelujah.
7. My nephew Rai. What a star, and a highlight of 2005.
8. The election. I loved it.
9. Going out again after a looooong break to The Bats, Cassette, Phoenix Foundation, SJD and Fly My Pretties.
10. Family and friends. Every year, forever and ever.

And in case you're wondering why no children mentioned, it is because if I did they would fill every spot. Walking, talking, living dolls. And I don't want to appear soppy. I aim to attract a young, hip, urban readership... to counter my aging, un-hip, Hutt-based self...

Ha

Wa hey!

Looks like I've made it. Wish I'd known sooner and I would've written something interesting.

I'm dying

Some time ago I announced my intention to do the Special K Women's Duathlon.

So far I have:

bought some sneakers

gone for lots of walks

bought an iriver to stop me being bored

All this doesn't add up to very much training, which is fine. The plan was to start jogging and cycling after New Years.

Today I completed my first run. God it sucks. The burning chest! I'm certain I have a rare medical condition that makes my burning chest more sore than anyone else can imagine.

Fast man!

Woah, I'm sitting at the table with my TOTALLY WIRELESS LAPTOP. I don't actually know how it happened, but by some trickery and holding of the elbow at the right angle we've made it work. I can recommend if anyone is after some free internet access, Petone at the moment is the place to come, as I haven't yet sussed out the firewall.

Holiday sick

Who would ever get homesick when you could be on holiday?

I was over packing and unpacking, but apart from that Wellington hasn't provided much to endear it to me on my return home.

Bloody black clouds and gusty winds and cleaning the house.

We had such a great holiday. I'm in mourning.

I'll write a nice chipper post tomorrow, when I'm sure it will be sunny.

Hey hey

We're back in Christchurch after much adventuring around the South Island. When I think of things I'll write them, but I'm a bit shagged today after a LENGTHY drive yesterday. Catlins to Christchurch in one day with 2 kids. Cripes.

None of our adventures involve any "oh man, woah, it was like, so then I like saw, like Gollum man".

It was more like "hey guys, this muddy steep walk where we're carrying the baby and the large mountain buggy because the terrain has got so vigorous ISN'T a round trip".

And some nature. And some breathtaking scenery. And lots of plotting to move to the wops.

In fact, in Geraldine I got my heart set on buying this B&B we saw for sale. But then I saw that they had a vacancy in peak holiday season, and only charged $60 per double, and I figured that actually that would leave us on the poverty line. Plus when I had a good nose around Geraldine it wasn't all Barker's tastings and yummy cheese, but was in fact lots of old people. So not my rock n roll country dream.

We go home tomorrow. Drive part way this afternoon, and then to Picton for the 2pm ferry. Home suddenly seems quite appealing. I'm sick of packing.