Thursday, March 30, 2006

Hotness quotient

David Slack has been analysing Russell Crowe's voice. Well, not analysing so much as speculating. It was very confusing to me, as for quite a while I thought he was referring to Russell Brown, and naturally I thought they were mates, and this might see the end of their matedom. But I was wrong. And so we continue.

The analysing of Russ' voice has been done by Jen Hay, and the resulting graph is here.

Having nothing better to do (like write an essay and speech and clean and clothe and cook and wash), I have just spent a goodly amount of time trying to do a table of my own using Excel. For some reason, when I was in my 20s, it was almost instinctive to do such things. Someone would ask if I could do something at work, and I'd gaily offer to graph it for them (not that there was much need in the Treaty Industry, anyhoo).

In short, I couldn't create a fucking graph to save my life. Office assistant my arse, Die paperclip!

My extensive scientific research indicates that Russ was, in fact, hotter when he had the higher pitched voice. Perhaps this indicates a return to hotness if Jen Hay is on the right track with her analysis? I hope so, because I think young Russ was a little bit fabulous.

Master and Commander 2003 4
A Beautiful Mind 2001 6
Gladiator 2000 9
The Insider 1999 6
Mystery, Alaska 1999 8
LA Confidential 1997 8
The Sum of US 1994 10
Romper Stomper 1992 7

Please note; he only lost marks in Romper Stomper because he is such a good actor that it was hard to believe he wasn't a nazi. Conversely, when he was playing a gay man in the Sum of Us, it wasn't off-putting at all and he achieves top marks for hotness.

Update: David has added a pool-boy to the article, and I can tell you, he is HOT.


Anonymous said...

But what about 'Cinderella Man'...its Russell's most recent....and he looked, and sounded Hot to me. (I agree with the other results I might add.) Master and commander was a low-point Hotness-wise.
But then it may simply be a case of...More fit+ less weight=Hot...and More weight+less weight =Un Hot.
Cinderella Man should be verrry Hot then.

Martha said...

Thanks for the input. I think you're probably bang on about the weight. And I suspect it was the hair in Master and COmmander that let him down.

I only rated movies I've seen, which is why CInderella Man hasn't made it. I can't watch anything with Renee Zellweger in it.

Kate said...

Yeah - what is it about her? Is it the squinty eyes or that she pouts like someone who's been sucking on lemons for the last five years?

Something really annoys me.