farkin writting and stuff like that

so, your on the way to wherever, and you're friend tell you this story about some doofus who can't spell or do grammar.

And its definately the only thing you can do to stop yourself just laughing and writting a txt to say what a looser the person is.

And then you realise that person is you.

I've had the most mortifying time with spelling mistakes lately.

Mostly they happen when I'm not looking. It is killing me. I sent David Slack an email that said "you're" instead of "your". Am I 12?

I apologise to everyone in the universe, and blame the fact that until about a year ago I didn't give a rat's arse about spelling.

The sun is a sunnin'

and the builder is a comin'.

We're getting rid of a window on Monday. The sun is streaming through it as I type. It seems very naughty to get rid of it, but all we can see is the neighbours house, and to replace it we'll have a spiffing new rangehood.

And I'll finally be able to cook fish without stinking out the place.

Hotness quotient

David Slack has been analysing Russell Crowe's voice. Well, not analysing so much as speculating. It was very confusing to me, as for quite a while I thought he was referring to Russell Brown, and naturally I thought they were mates, and this might see the end of their matedom. But I was wrong. And so we continue.

The analysing of Russ' voice has been done by Jen Hay, and the resulting graph is here.

Having nothing better to do (like write an essay and speech and clean and clothe and cook and wash), I have just spent a goodly amount of time trying to do a table of my own using Excel. For some reason, when I was in my 20s, it was almost instinctive to do such things. Someone would ask if I could do something at work, and I'd gaily offer to graph it for them (not that there was much need in the Treaty Industry, anyhoo).

In short, I couldn't create a fucking graph to save my life. Office assistant my arse, Die paperclip!

My extensive scientific research indicates that Russ was, in fact, hotter when he had the higher pitched voice. Perhaps this indicates a return to hotness if Jen Hay is on the right track with her analysis? I hope so, because I think young Russ was a little bit fabulous.

Master and Commander	2003	4
A Beautiful Mind	2001	6
Gladiator	2000	9
The Insider	1999	6
Mystery, Alaska	1999	8
LA Confidential	1997	8
The Sum of US	1994	10
Romper Stomper	1992	7

Please note; he only lost marks in Romper Stomper because he is such a good actor that it was hard to believe he wasn't a nazi. Conversely, when he was playing a gay man in the Sum of Us, it wasn't off-putting at all and he achieves top marks for hotness.

Update: David has added a pool-boy to the article, and I can tell you, he is HOT.

School

I just had that rising bile feeling you get when you realise that you've bitten off more than you can chew.

Fark.

Huh?

What the hell am I going to do with 10Gb?

As a TelstraClear InHome customer, your HighSpeed internet service has been automatically upgraded with up to 5 times more traffic allowance!

You don't have to register, apply, complete any forms or spend any more money!

From today all our InHome HighSpeed packages are being automatically upgraded as follows:

I'll just have to start downloading porn... or uploading it. Now there is a pretty picture.

Poll

There was some concern that I may be alienating people with my previous poll, so here is a more user friendly one. No more comic sans either, nice sensible Times New Roman.

What would you rather do #2
	Have a nice milo
	Do a sudoku - keeps the brain active don't you know!
	Hum the White Cliffs of Dover
	Reminisce
	Watch Emerdale
	Polish your specs
	Send a present to someone deserving in Petone
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Secret panties

This is what I was trying to put on the banner, and made it all screw up.



Great aren't they? On the reverse they are y fronts. Clever Sam Broad.

A poll!

It has been some months since my last poll.

This one is entirely without a theme, and you may select as many answers as you like.

There may or may not be a review of the poll.

It will probably make some pop-up ads appear as I'm not paying $20 p/a to run some crappy polls.

I've done it in comic sans just to be irritating. I'm in a very belligerant mood.

Free polls from Pollhost.com

What would you rather do?

Get drunk Swim naked (hippy) Score Brangelina Blow up the goddamn telly - Police Ten 7? Hello! Drink coffee black Or with milk (pansy) With sugar? Need fillings? Buy a present for someone deserving in Petone

New blog!

Thanks for all your supportive comments. You may notice that Wanda Harland is a brand spanking new blog.

Looks ALMOST exactly the same, 'cept it is all new.

Like a Buffy-bot. Or a Marth-bot.

For goodness sakes

I've repasted in the entire code. It still looks bloody goofy in IE.

I know this is boring for y'all, but has anyone got any ideas so that I may go on with my happy blogging life?

Why? WHY?????

I made my blog look gorgeous just now. I tinkered with the template and added a really cool picture, and I made my title huge and gorgeous.

I was so happy. It would probably have rocketed me to some kind of fabulous internet blogging personality status.

But fucking Internet Motherfucking Explorer made it look like a mental person had done it. That is not really the look I am going for, so all the rest of us must suffer.

Why can't everything please be standardised? Why do we have 3 sets of drill bits for all the different kinds of screws? Why do we have 3 kinds of foot measuring systems? Why the hell doesn't everyone speak english like ME? And why won't template changes on firefox look nice on IE.

Sigh. I daresay I'm not the first person to have to deal with this. Bastards.

Update. Oh my. It still looks mental in explorer. And I've undone all my changes. Cripes.

Usurper!

Bloody Martha Stewart. Every time I see her on TV I have to yell "usurper" at her.

I want to be the domestic goddess. And some hard voiced, jailbait from America with my name, has beaten me to the chase. Do you think I can ever have my own tv show now? Not likely. Unless I change my name to Maprah.

Or I could hereafter be known by my stage name of Wanda Harland. Which is cool, because Wanda is a really hot name. Aye.

So my domestic goddess Wanda tip du jour, is to check out this embroidery. Cute! And as soon as I stop being an obsessed adult student (I've emailed the lecturer every week, and I ask dorky questions, and I've made an appointment with the librarian, and I'm shameless, and I think all the youngies are lovely), I'll be embroidering my house. Everyone will think the children belong to bowling teams because they'll be wearing little shirts with their names. Or people will just think they work at Pak n Save.

I take back everything I said

Well, not quite everything.

Sometimes you need to boast about your terrific offspring.



He wrote this UNASSISTED. I'm so proud, not to mention bloody surprised. I think maybe all the playing on the Clifford website is adding up to something.

Really obvious question

How do I get my nice homemade pizza from the bench to the piping hot pizza stone?

Cezanne to Picasso

We went to Te Papa today to see the Cezanne to Picasso exhibit. Before you go in you're required to turn off your cellphone ("people have complained about them ringing"). I obligingly turned my phone off, but warned the guy that the 1 and 3 year old may actually cause more of a disturbance than Hawaii 5-0 beeping away.

The exhibition was very sweet. 14 dear wee priceless classics (priceless being worth more than me). I've heard people have been scathing about such a small exhibit, but I think that is incredibly mean spirited. These opportunities don't present themselves as often as I'd like in this country. I did think the title of the exhibition was perhaps a little grand. You might assume from it that there was a comprehensive display.

And the art? Finn thought quite a lot of it looked like robots. Fair enough really. Cubism has a lot to answer for. Beyond that I'm not even going to try. I didn't get a BA in Art History to be spilling my guts about art on a blog. Unless you pay me.

Fabulous breakdancing fingers

Thanks Kottke for the link.

Dear reader

Perhaps I should issue a warning.

There will from hereafter until thereafter be a ridiculous amount of cooking references on this blog.

I do however commit to you that I will continue to avoid talking about babies and my children's toilet habits.

And so here is dinner.


And dessert (which will last us for the next week). This recipe comes courtesy of a very clever baker. The brownies have (at least) 3 kinds of chocolate in them, not to mention 2 kinds of sugar and booze. I had a wee heart attack just reading the recipe.


It is very difficult to take a decent piccie of food. Apologies.

Your life in song titles.

Hers didn't tag me. But I did this anyway, because it looked funny. And I'm procrastinating.

These were the instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question

How does the world see you?
“We're not the Jet Set" - Iris de Ment and John Prine. Which is shit. I'm clearly the jet set.

Will I have a happy life?
“You're not from Brighton” Fat Boy Slim. This could well mean I'll have a happy life, although I hear Brighton is very nice and I have some good friends there.

What do my friends really think of me?
“Hip Hop Holiday” by 3 The Hard Way. Oh yeah. Hanging with me is a holiday everyday. (How do you do a wee computer emoticon thing for a single raised eyebrow?)

Do people secretly lust after me?:
“Sea World" by the Phoenix Foundation. This means people don't secretly lust after me, but fish do.

How can I make myself happy?
“All in an Afternoon" also by the Phoenix Foundation. Sounds like drinking to me.

What should I do with my life?
“Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport" by Rolf Harris and the Wiggles. You can't fault the Rolf. What a dude.

Will I ever have children?
“Hymn of the Big Wheel" Massive Attack. This used to be my "I'm just having this last drink and listening to this song before I go to the pub and score", which could well mean I heard it the night I met my spousal personage.

What is some good advice for me?
“Madeline" Pluto. Sounds like I need to buy some Madeline tins. I've always wanted them.

How will I be remembered?
“Spinal Meningitis (got me down) by Ween. This happens to be one of my favoutite songs. Although I hope I don't die from it.

What is my signature dancing song?
“Push on through" by Salmonella Dub. Umm. Maybe a few years ago. Now I just groove to the Wiggles.

What do I think my current theme song is?
“Baked Beans" by Mother Goose. Ha! That was Martha BEFORE the new stove. Baked beans indeed.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
“'Til a Tear becomes a Rose" Fiona Prina and John Prine. In a parallel universe yes, here they're more likely to think of crap pop than melancholy country.

What song will play at my funeral?
“4 Dead Monks" by Red Snapper. Perhaps I'll become a man, and enter a monestary, and then kill myself and another 3 monks.

What type of men/women do you like?
“Steal My Body Home” by Beck. I like Beck. A lot.

What is my day going to be like?
“Pacifier” By Shihad. That probably indicates that I'm now going to bed. Although I've been off the pacifiers for like months, okay, days... oh whatever.

What a weird collection.

Baking

I'm going to really tap into this Mummy Blogger genre.

So here is a picture of my coconut and banana friands. I made them in my new tins, so they're not really friand shape. Friand shape is so, like, 2001.

Hiding drugs

This is a little tip for drug traffickers.

If you want to traffic drugs, go for it. There is probably no point in secreting it in your orifices though, as they'll check them as well. So you may as well just put them in your handbag and save yourself the humiliation.

Like this poor lady.

Ode to my oven

You're big and foxy
And hot as you should be
You fit a grill plate that heats evenly forsteaksandchickenandcapsicums
And when I want to bake
I can fit a tray from here to Timbuctoo
And when I want to rotisserie something I can
And when I feel like I should clean you I won't have to because you have catalytic liners

All quiet on the western front (at the desirable eastern end of Petone hahahahahhahahahah)

Trinny and Susannah have unleashed the hell-demons on my poor unsuspecting husband.

Please don't tell him it is my fault (wearing those red shoes with black pants) that he has been vomiting all night long. It is best he thinks it is his fault for wearing t shirts to work everyday (horror!).

Consequently I think Wanda Harland may be a little quiet for the rest of the day, while I keep children out of the house and away from their toxic daddy.

The end

We've just finished Buffy.

I'm spent.

The antici..........................pation

Finally the stove arrived!



So exciting, I'll be making cheese on toast again soon.



But alas. Seems you need bloody experts to certify and fit the thing. So until that happens...



We'll just have to look at it. And eat burgers.

The end.

Photo shoot

God. I got sick of the picture of me staring at the ceiling, so decided to put on another one. This always starts with me trying to take a really candid shot of myself, and ends with me covered in makeup and lipgloss looking sideways.

So I took oodles of photos of myself, trying to look natural-yet-foxy.



Then Finn asked to play with the camera, and bingo! It seems the key is to not try and smile when there is nothing to smile at. Instead, smiling at the fruit of your loins does the trick nicely.

WWTASD?

What would Trinny and Susannah do?

I understand I can't wear black pants with a coloured top, because all the portals of hell would open, unleashing a swarm of scurvyish demons to smite me down.

But are you allowed to wear red shoes with your black ensemble?



And David, I know jandals are good for everything, so no need to mention it.

Go Palmerston North!

DPF has written about a Palmerston North promo whereby you can win a trip to Palmy. The prizes are very amusing.

* Jetboating along the Manawatu River.
* Strolling through world-class rose gardens.
* Driving a circuit of the Manfeild racetrack.
* Listening to top academics at Massey University.
* Not yet decided

Oh my God. They can't even come up with a No 5 and their No 4 is listening to an academic talk!!! Oh yes this will bring the masses in.

I think it is time for a new slogan. Whaddaya reckon?

Only 2 hours to Wellington! (or faster if you're Lundy)

We've got McDonalds!

Only slightly inconvenient to get to!

Mario the poo-man lives here!

Cool

I'm listening to this audio thing from the last Blogher.

It is so cool, like National Radio, but about blogging!

The article I linked to has some really interesting stuff about why people blog. Most people seem to love the fact that they can talk about themselves, and people listen. I haven't quite worked out why I do, probably because I find it massively entertaining. I'm not a very introspective person.

Dooce is there, and it is interesting to hear her voice.

Italian

*Moony sigh*

Antonio from La Bella Italia was just talking on the radio about the Italian Food Festival at the International Terminal, Sunday 26th March.

He mentioned lots of Italian words like barista and spaghetti, and they sounded so pretty.

Of course if you're italian or french you should move somewhere foreign, so that all the mens and womens go moony about your lovely accent.

But where the hell can we go with our kiwi accents? Nobody anywhere goes moony over fush and chups and noice.

Buffy update - almost there!

Only 4 episodes to go! We're going to watch them tomorrow night as I've got school tonight.

We're not at the end, but crikey season 7 is a corker. (That sentence reminds me of this truly classic vid I watched once called Boobs, Blowouts and Something-else-bogan-car-related. There was a guy who said "Fair dinkum mate, she is so hot I near creamed my pants" - it has been a favourite line since).

I LOVE Andrew. He is the funniest. The Vulcanology thing still has me in stitches.

It all seems a bit more sophisticated this series. And hilarious. There are some classic lines.

That is all. Back to your lives.

Who are the people in your neighbourhood?

In your neighbourhood, in your neigh-bour-hood
Oh who are the people in your neighbourhood,
They're the people that you meet when you're walking down the street
They're the people that you meet each day.

We've got Count Homogenised, Moira from Shorties and an Allblack.

You?

Homer erghhhhhhh

As in "Hot Tip for Delicious Treat"

De Winkel's Greek yoghurt with prune and orange.

Of course you have to like greek yoghurt, prunes and oranges, but if you do...erghhhhhh

Frozen food review

We're becoming somewhat more knowledgable about frozen foods.

They make you feel like crap, so please don't go eating too many, okay? They have that effect you get after eating aeroplane food, like you're a bit greasey, even if you went for a healthy option.

We all got terrible gas (mmm, attractive) after some Dik-something butter chicken and black eyed pea curry. It was yummy though, and we've had another since, which I made a salad to have it with, and it seemed better for our gassy-ness.

I had a thai chicken McCain's meal, and it was bloody good.

I had a Weight Watcher's lasagne, and it was bloody terrible. I was asking for trouble though I guess with a Weight Watcher's product. I just thought it might be less salty and gross. It wasn't.

I got one of those lasagne topper things, that you would usually only have when you're extremely drunk. The kids smeared it all over the house, so it was probably worth the $1.67 price tag for entertainment value.

And in summary. Just don't do it, okay? LOVE YOUR OVEN. Because you don't know when you'll accidentally sell it on trademe because you can't believe people would pay that much for a second hand oven...

Amen.

oh shit

This morning I went to the supermarket nice and early - thanks end of daylight savings. While I was loading the assortment of frozen meals into the car, there was heaps of tooting.

A woman pulled up to me and said "watch out, there are a couple of kids in that car with car keys". It was the car behind mine, and there were 2 kids, about 2 and 4, clambouring around.

The guy with curly hair from What Now, circa 1984, was getting out of the car next to mine, and went and checked to see if the kids did have car keys. They did, and the car was unlocked. I decided to stick around and make sure nobody abducted them. Not long after, their mother came back. In a parallel universe where there was no frenzied killing sprees from pissed off parents, I may have said something.

Anyhow, she pulled out, and I was behind her. She turned off the Esplanade, so I thought I'd follow and see where she was going. She pulled up outside Finn's kindy.

Her son was in the front seat, and the wee girl had vanished, so I guess was sitting on the floor in the back. There weren't any kids carseats.

They were an asian family. I guess there are cultural differences in terms of child restraints and leaving kids in the car. But all kids have the potential to climb out of cars, or start them, or the car gets stolen while they're in it.

I don't know why I'm writing about it, but I sort of feel like maybe I should do something - recommend a newletter about safety from kindy? There are quite a few non-english speaking families at kindy, and the teachers find it difficult to get messages across, so it wouldn't necessarily work. And I don't want to be a snakey busy-body. And I don't want her kids to go flying through the windscreen when someone rear-ends her.

I'm pop punk.

I don't know what this means.


Cheers to Stephen.

You scored as The Pop Group. The music of Bristolian band the Pop Group was a confrontational mix of jazz, funk and dub reggae filtered through punk rock. Their left-wing lyrics and innovative music are best heard on their 1979 debut 'Y'. The Pop Group 73% Wire 73% Public Image Ltd. 57% The Slits 57% The Fall 50% Joy Division 43% Gang Of Four 37% The Teardrop Explodes 33% Throbbing Gristle 33% Cabaret Voltaire 23%

Which Post Punk band are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Mobile phone

I really do aspire to be more technological. I want to understand how one could surf the internet from a phone, and I want to take my laptop into town and check my emails. I suppose when the kids are older (like 5), they'll be able to guide me.

We have the most basic cellphone you can get. No camera, no music, no pictures. So imagine my surprise when I found I could download a ringtone.

Like a kid in a candy shop I played around on the vodafone site and bought..... Hawaii 5-0. What was I thinking? I'm going to have a phone ring like a bloody kid who works at Dick Smith's. People will laugh.

Mind you, I do live in the Hutt. And in all honesty, don't receive that many calls. And dammit. I'm going to get my $1.99 worth before I revert it back to the old ring we used to have.

Excuse me while I kiss this guy

So I'm a bit hungover.

We went out until LATE. And drank wine. And ate beef (although I proclaimed in my drunken state to have never enjoyed lamb so much. The shame. I'm still cringeing).

I'll tell you our fabulous meal eh?

Started with garlic grissini thingies and olives.

Then stuffed zucchini flowers (battered and deepfried) and a beetroot salsa/salad yummy item.

Then we had beef. It was massaged with a tapenade and green peppercorn and anchovy and yummy thing paste, then left to think about things for a few hours before being cooked til rare. It was so good and I'm so embarrassed about the lamb comment. I was confused okay?

And with it we had a pumpkin bake with parmesan, and green beans.

Ohhh. It was so yummy.

And fruit tarts for pud.

And lots of delicious wine.

We took a Hardy's shiraz, which got 5 stars from Cuisine and was a veritable bargain, but I'm holding it responsible for the hangover.

And the company was lovely. And brought back our car today, which made life very easy.

And today we had more lovely company and a barbeque, and now I'm ready for bed, but will probably watch Buffy. Although the synchronised swimming is on at the minute.

And so endeth a hungover rant.

1!

Just thought I'd take a moment away from the 1st birthday celebrations here at Harland Headquarters Inc. to mention the Commonwealth Games.

Good on all our clever wee athletes, all surely shagging each other merrily at the games village.

I was watching the synchronised swimming before. Always a sucker for a little synchronised interpretive dance, I thought, you go girls! But you know what? They were doing the singles.

Singles synchronised swimming? It was very very odd. And I have to say, abosolutely hilarious.

One!

Tomorrow this blog will be one.

Seems like only a year ago - oh. Well.

It has been a very pleasant and fulfilling year of bloggage. And the anniversary falls very conveniently on a day when I have nothing to say.

I don't think I'll retire yet. I quite like doing it.

I can't link to my first post as blogger seems to be having a hissy fit.

Oh, by the way, the first anniversary present of a blog is vouchers from ECC. Cheers.

My life as a holiday

I've been trying to act like I'm on holiday all the time. Today was easy.

First we went to the zoo. As you may have noticed in the past, I love the giraffes.



And Finn and Frankie held hands, which was very cute, and we mentioned how nice a civil union would be.



After kindy we walked home along the beach.



and as I was taking the photos the kids went running...



... and now they have very wet feet.

Which is very holidayish. And since I haven't got the new oven yet, we'll have takeaways or bbq or frozen meals, which are all very reminiscent of holidays also.

I'm all class

Because of the no oven situation, I've been exploring the delights of things-that-can-be-cooked-in-the-microwave.

Which more or less makes me white trash.

Today for lunch we're having some faux Italian style pasta thing. It calls for milk, water and "2 teaspoons salt reduced polyunsaturated table spread". I kid you not. Apparently we can't say margarine anymore. Or do they mean jam?

I had to hide my trolley from a woman from kindergarten - there is no going back once someone knows you feed your children chicken korma from a box.

Eighties revival

Its the hmmm on the gingerbread
The icing on the cake
It's monuments and mirrorglass
The city's on the make

Devil take the high road
So no-one counts the cost
Such a sweet seduction

Glosssssssss

Wouldn't everyone like to please see Gloss again? The most glamorous New Zealand TV show ever.

We should start a movement.

Virus

I seem to have some viruses on my putey. Can someone remind me how to kill the fuckers?

It is all very well for my anti virus software to tell me they're here, but how the hell did they let them in?

Update:

Seem to have got rid of the pesky blighters. Thanks to this.

International posting

If you happen to live in the United States, you should make your way to one of the venues where the Bats are playing.

They'll ROCK.

Daisy girl

I've always lived in cities. This was evident today when all I could think of the cute calf at Lindale was what a nice rug it would make.

Wouldn't it though? Soft too...

Mmm

Chow

I can finally report on Chow in Petone.

I went for a few quiets on Friday. It was very stylish and the bar staff were friendly, although only one of them would've made it onto my hottie list.

The decor was wicked. Really cool old chairs and tables in the "lounge" bit.

I didn't eat, but my friend Megan went on Saturday for a date, and said it was delicious kai.

And I had some gins, which were tasty. How come a g and t is $7 and so is a beer? While a Pimm's is $10. All seems a bit inconsistent.

And I got myself into a position where I was very very hungover on Saturday, which is just uncool.

Sold!

In a nailbiting finish, my stove sold on trademe for quite a lot more than I dreamed it would. We delivered it to the nice woman in Upper Hutt today, which left us only our crapper of an old bbq to cook dinner for guests on.

So we had burgers. Homemade, but burgers all the same.

At the supermarket I had the total shameful experience of buying frozen meals. I'm sure people were looking at me funny. Actually I suppose lots of people buy frozen dinners, which is why they have the damned things. But I don't.

We should have our new stove in a few days. I'll have to christen it with a long thing, that wouldn't have fit in our old oven.



And we've ended up not getting a smeg. Not because I dislike smegs, I love them, especially their pretty name. Just because a saucy Delonghi gave us the glad eye. Cheeky minx.

Bless wine bless art

Fabulous afternoon. There is a fantastic exhibition of sculpture in Lower Hutt called Shapeshifter (see? We're down with the peeps.) I finishes in two days, so be quick.

It has so much to offer. Art in a garden, shopping (albeit for $10k art), wine, you know kulcha.

I really wanted this rectangular piece (behind Finn)



but some bastards bought it out from under me. Which is lucky, as I suspect the $11000 price tag might have been a shock for Glen.

So we had some wine to make us feel better



that is my pa, by the way.

and I tell you what, Wellington needs a really nice garden bar with big trees and sculpture, as this was the best drinking I've done in a while.

I'm more cleverer

Today I'm 5.71% more cleverer than I was yesterday. All because I brushed my teeth with my left hand. If you would like to be 40% cleverer in a week, the Guardian gives you some very simple tips here.

Which means each time I write whiskey in the future, I'll use the right spelling. Bloody spelling mutter mutter.

Bad Willow

Oh yeah baby.

In this house we have a couple of rules.

1. No starting a Buffy episode after 9.15pm

2. No more than 2 episodes in a night.

Tonight it is 9.25pm, and we've watched 2 episodes with 2 to go until the final of series 6.

Whisky poured (again), and a long night on the cards.

Bad Willow is irresistable.

With a rebel yell.

Which brings me to...

my great plan.

You know the whole "pay it forward" thing, where you do a good deed, and someone else does and yada yada yada, the world is a better place.

I think that the world would be a better place if when someone said something really really stupid to you, you just poked them in the eye with your finger.

It would have multiple benefits:

a) you would be able to recognise stupid people by their sore eyes

b) you would get some relief from all the pent up rage from putting up with stupid people

c) like animals, the stupid people would learn to stop saying stupid things. Instead of being the pokees they'd become the pokers, until all the world was good.

Nobody is allowed to poke me in the eye because of the grammar in this post. I'm exempt.

Mememememmememememememememe

Ms Caroline has asked me to do this, and who am I to say no? Plus it gives me something to write...

7 things I’d like to do before I die.

Go to New York

Get my 15 minutes of fame

White water rafting

Really get my head around something, anything.

Watch my children on stage.

Go to the Academy Awards

Build a house

7 things I can’t do.

Concentrate

Listen to the Cranberries

Just say "when"

Climb

Keep my mouth shut

7 things that attracted me to my partner.

He's a brainiac brainiac

Eye candy

Kind

He thinks about stuff

7 things I often say.

You should stick your finger in their eyeball

Do you kids want something to eat?

I'm just checking ONE email

DRINK!

Have we got any chocolate in the house?

I might bake something

WWBD? (What would Buffy do?)

7 films.

Footloose

Walk the Line

Running on Empty

Rushmore

Meet the Feebles

The Breakfast Club (I'm scraping the barrel here, and trying to just use my brain rather than look things up, but clearly my brain stopped working in about 1991)

7 Books.

Catcher in the Rye

A Prayer for Owen Meany

Cloudstreet

Vernon God Little

The Handmaids Tale

I'm gonna have to round up these numbers as I think of things.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away

I tried bloggage yesterday, but between being a nervous wreck and blogger being down I didn't have much joy. So just the brief whisky post.

Not much doin' today.

You?

Whisky in hand

Yipppppeeeeeeeeeeeee.

My presentation is over. I wasn't a raging success, but honestly I would have stood up there and said the alphabet to get it over and done with.

Back to normal.

Ahhh.

How to go to sleep very very quickly

"That organizations may rightly perceive there to be no advantage in adapting to the environment through compromises with their publics is one reason why the symmetrical approach might not be adapted. Indeed J. Grunig and Hunt (1984) acknowlegded that model selection might be more of an indication of the nature of the organisation, the nature of the public relations issue, and the organisational power of the practitioner than of the practitioner's expertise or ethics."

He he he cooter

Go Fug Yourself rocks. Read this.

Another Monday out!

Last week a genuine rock extravaganza, and this week a genuine party - on a Monday!

Strewth. Or streuth. Or strueth. Or WHATEVER.

It was a marvellous Oscar do. Emily and Jan had decorated with balloons. There were lashings of jaffas and snifters (those two will throw my international audience - jaffas are balls of chocolate with a orange candy coating, and snifters are chewy minty chocolatey goodness). There was popcorn and bubbly and party poppers. There was terrific company including a hottie in a red dress that would've made Chris de Burgh pee his pants.

Prior to the event we all voted online. I got 10/24! Must do better. D- performance. Slightly better than if I had've gone completely random, but not much.

Emily got 20/24, which means she should be invited to join the academy.

Today I've got a sugar hangover. I'm eating brownies and drinking coffee to try and get rid of it. It doesn't seem to be working.

Prepare for a journey...

...back into the mists of time...

there is swirling darkness, and quietly a flippery fish crawls out of the murk...

and has a cup of tea. And doesn't have to separate the tea bags BECAUSE THEY COME SINGLY. THAT'S RIGHT. NOT IN PAIRS.

How civilised we were back in the mists of time.

Who needs two tea bags? If you need two, you either like tea super strong or you're using a teapot. If you're using a teapot, then you should be using tea leaves, or there is no point.

SO WHO THE HELL DECIDED TO PAIR UP THE TEABAGS.

The Oscars!

Tonight is Oscars night! And off to a soiree at Emily and Jan's house. There is a bit of a sweepstake to guess the winners, so I thought I'd share my expertise.

Now, I've only seen Walk the Line out of all the movies nominated, but I'm very intuitive, and I can sense which of the other movies will be good and awarded.

• Memoirs of a Geisha doesn't deserve anything, as it was the most irritating book I have ever read.
• Walk the Line should win everything.
• Brokeback Mountain should win everything else. I've been reliably informed Brokeback Mountain would be too painful for me to watch.
• Even though Walk the Line was great, and so was Reese Witherspoon, I really doubt she'll get (nor necessarily deserves) the Oscar. Felicity Huffman or Charlize Theron can have it.
• And even though Joaquin Phoenix is HOT. Phillip Seymour Hoffman can have that Oscar, as he is an actor's actor. Joaquin doesn't watch his own flicks, and I have to say I think that is a little egocentric, as other people were involved in making the movie too, and probably would like their work appreciated.
• Someone from New Zealand should win something so that we can gloat a little.

The serious art of procrastination

On a procrastination centered day, as well as the usual stuff, you:

Make cooked playdough
Cook pizzas properly, with yeast and mozzerella you have to get from the shops.
Cook brownies
Fix the trike
Insist on hanging out the washing
Install some vital new software
Read the Sunday paper for the first time EVAH. And the Weekend Dom, cover to cover. In the name of research.

You know, piss around as much as possible

What the smeg?

Ohhhhh, because I live for shopping (that was a joke, I clearly live for looking after the needy and taking care of defenceless kittens and suchlike), here is my latest desire. 90cm!

I just have to sell our old stove on trademe.

Which means I have a week ahead of me of checking my auctions every 2 minutes.

Procrastinating

And so it begins.

I have that sick feeling in my stomach, well aware that I am going to humiliate myself in front of my classmates in a few days time with a poorly prepared presentation. Unable to do anything about it.

I blame Llew with his da da das.

And no Rolling Stones tickets. And before you say anything, they are great. GREAT. I have never been a big fan, but I saw them live in '95, and it was amazing. Mind you, they were still in their 50s then.

I have a new blender. It is great.



Damn. I've run out of things to say. I'm going to have to study, I can tell.

Classy

My first class was last night. I'm happy to report it was great. The lecturer is very cool, and the classmates seem very onto it and not annoying.

This all contrasts greatly to my last contact course 5 years ago. We had a new lecturer who had been appointed in a hurry as the last one took off. She wasn't familiar with the material, but didn't change it either, so you'd get an overhead with "don't know what that means, oh well". We weren't allowed to use powerpoint as it was a bit too tricky, so had to use overheads. It was all a shambles. The only reason I didn't complain was the nice grade I received. Good grades buy my silence. My classmates were a motley lot too. About half had a very minimal grasp on english. They were the ones I liked. All the rest were stroppy old buggers. Apart from Trina. She is ace.

So I was very happy last night to find whiz bang technology and a lecturer who writes her own notes.

Although I have 5 or 6 presentations and 2 essays over the next 3 months, so the old blog may suffer a little.

Stick with it though folks. I'll still write about shit.

Lookalikes

Have you noticed how much Angel

looks like Preston from Wallace and Gromit?

My wedding

Today doesn't mark any significant date. Although I heard someone talking this morning about the Rolling Stones last visiting in 1995, which is when Glen and I got together, which is 11 years ago. I was practically an infant.

We'd been together about 4 years when I thought we needed a good party. So I asked Glen to marry me. He was in Whangarei for Christmas, and I think he thought I was joking, because while I told everyone, he didn't mention it to a soul.

I began scheming, and invited 8 of my dearest friends and my sister to be bridesmaids. I thought I would wear a camoflage kimono, and they could dress as ninjas. My other plan for them, which they seemed quite cool on, was to dress them in horse heads and have them drawing my carriage whinnying and frolicking.

As the planning progressed I realised what a big undertaking a wedding is. And when I found out a marquee costs $3000, which we'd need in case it rained, I was severely put off the whole venture.

So we went to Vegas instead. It wasn't that quick, we didn't run away or anything. First I had to sell my shop. Which was great. It meant I didn't have to worry about coming back to a job, and I had some ping in my pocket.

We flew out on 3rd January. Our friends Audrey and Ben joined us in Vegas on the 4th. We had planned to get hitched on the 5th, but we were all so hungover that we didn't get out of bed til after 5pm, and so had to book the wedding by phone - all plans of checking out venues out the window.

We all went to Circus Circus for the famous buffet. It was TERRIBLE. And then Glen and I returned to the hotel to get ready.

We had to first go and get a marriage license at the Town Hall. Fortunately they stay open til midnight on a Tuesday (24hours in the weekend). Then we made our own way to the Silver Bell Wedding Chapel, and Ben and Org arrived shortly after. It was all very surreal. We had a black minister called the Reverand George L Cotton marry us, and Anthony Perkins in his Psycho guise worked at the chapel and took the pictures.



We cruised around Vegas afterwards in a limo. The driver was a total chatterbox which was a bit of a killjoy. But we started drinking again, and got back to the hotel at about 12.30am. We sat at tha hotel bar watching men pick up hookers, and I think had some breakfast at about 6am. Ben and Org had to catch a plane at 9.30, so they must have got about 7 minutes sleep.



I heartily recommend doing Vegas. It is fabulous, and with all the other leftover money that we didn't spend on a wedding we spent 3 months in Europe and Japan.

Blues Clues

Sometimes on one of my secret trips to the Warehouse, I pick up a little something for the kids. Yesterday I got a Blues Clues video. This is the perfect purchase because it looks like something for them, but really buys me half an hour of free time.

I was quite surprised to see some English guy hosting it. They've changed heaps of the words too, which I quite like. You're not "smart" anymore, you're "bright", the notebook isn't "handy dandy" but "frightfully useful". Well perhaps I exaggerate a little. I like it, it is like dubbing but better.